Genesis 33:4-5
“But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.”
Growing up in the church, the topic of forgiveness seemed to be a present theme, yet an action I did not witness enough. I knew that the right thing to do was to holler “amen” whenever the preachers recited verses like “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 but it wasn’t something I saw lived out enough in front of me. On the contrary, there were many days when my mom was so pissed at a church member that she would just come home VENTING! Listen, we have ALL been there. Don’t lie. You know you’ve gossiped about so-and-so too, don’t bring that Pharisee spirit over here! We’re chasing freedom - and where there’s freedom, there’s a confession that leads to liberation.
The reality is that sin has been categorized when it shouldn’t be. If word got out about someone having sex before marriage, or getting trashed at a club - bring out the anointing oil child! But, if you sat around the dinner table, and you gossiped about your brother and sister, that wasn’t AS bad. Bad but not AS BAD. Scripture, however, says otherwise. “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.” James 2:10 - point, blank, period. This also includes having unforgiveness in your heart. Something I did not realize I had until about a year ago.
I am the only daughter of my mother and father, but I have two sisters from my father’s side. For years, we did not speak. It was always on and off - in some seasons we’d be good, in other seasons we wouldn’t be. Many of the contributing factors to us not speaking revolved around others gossiping about us to each other - giving opinions on who was right and who was wrong.
This blog post isn’t about that - but about me - and how I missed out on several sister moments and moments in the lives of my nieces and nephews because of the anger I felt in my heart. It’s so much easier to blame someone else when it comes to unforgiveness - but it’s even harder to know when it’s YOU and you should surrender to God and admit that the seed of unforgiveness caused bitterness to rot your view on grace, and has caused you to now condition grace - picking and choosing who gets it and who doesn’t. Thank you, God, for transformation!
In Genesis chapter 33, Jacob seeks to reconcile what has been broken and lost with his brother Esau. For 20 years, Jacob feared that his brother Esau would kill him. Now, since they were in the WOMB, these two fought with each other. The tea was so hot, especially when plain old Jacob stole Esau’s inheritance for a bowl of lentil soup. Their parents made a call to protect both of their sons and sent Jacob away - however, Esau still had it in his heart to kill his twin brother. The reality is, that Jacob went through many moments where he was faced with challenges and blessings, but he felt he had to return home to his people, and his brother Esau. When Jacob sends word to his brother that he is coming back, Esau decides to meet him - and although Jacob is fearful that the intent is for him to kill Jacob, the interaction is beautiful - and a moment of reconciliation and freedom for both brothers.
“But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.”
I was sitting in a bible study class my church hosts that’s called “Freedom” and the chapter we were reading on was about forgiveness. This quote made me sob in my seat from our study book:
“An unforgiven offense is like an arrow dipped in poison. The offense slashes through our defenses and hurts us at the moment, but the aftermath of unforgiveness is like a poison that remains long after the event takes place. It seeps into our lives, tainting our thoughts and clouding our vision. If left unchecked, it will eventually penetrate our hearts and paralyze our ability to live, to love, and to be loved. Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting another person to die; it does much greater harm to us than the person we refuse to forgive.”
I realized in that moment, that the poison spread in my heart and clouded my vision. How was it, that I spent countless Sundays leading worship on the altar, going to youth group and bible studies, going across the world to other countries to preach love and forgiveness, and yet I was not speaking to my sisters? It hit me that I was creating harm to myself by not letting go of what could have been, of what didn’t happen, and of the resentment that was in my heart. Some of the anger I felt was created over time believe it or not. The reality is that to forgive wasn’t always what I was encouraged to do. Not on purpose, but I believe it’s become normal for those around us, friends and family, to hold resentment in their heart and for us to respond with “Well, that’s valid because it’s how you feel.” Although our feelings are seen and acknowledged in the eyes of the Lord, and we should respect the feelings of our brothers and sisters, the word is here to CORRECT us. The word encourages us to forgive! For our freedom, and for the freedom of those we hurt. This is why it’s so important to pray over the advice given to you by man and to see if it aligns with the word of God.
In May, it will make one year since I reached out to my sisters and told them I was sorry. The freedom I found in their forgiveness changed my life and I am so happy God allowed me to self-reflect on how the condition of my heart was. Through our restored relationship, I’ve been able to heal childhood loneliness trauma, and have been so blessed to be a part of their lives and the lives of my nieces and nephews. Although I lost time, I am grateful for restoration - and like Jacob and Esau - we are enjoying the fruits of forgiveness. Through our reconciliation, I have been able to learn more about the heart of God for His children when it comes to forgiveness.
“Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.”
Friend, forgiveness is so much better than resentment - and it is the heart of our Father to see you free of the pain caused by unforgiveness. God wants you to enjoy the path of freedom from unforgiveness and experience what comes with it! Maybe it's more family time, maybe it's letting yourself love again, maybe it's breakthrough from addictions. Whatever it is for you, I pray that this story encourages you to let go, leave it in the hands of the Lord, and forgive. Afterall, Christ forgives us everyday.
Colossians 3:13 - Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
